How my C-Section Changed My View of Parenting

Natural parents don’t have cesareans. In fact, they don’t even cover them in most natural childbirth classes. My particular class glossed over them with the sentiment that pity was to be taken on all c-section moms and this was something that was inherently bad. I was determined to have a medication free, vaginal childbirth. Unfortunately, my body had other plans.

I quickly found myself in the midst of a true emergency cesarean, akin to the ones the show on TLC specials. I had too much amniotic fluid which hid the fact my son’s umbilical cord completely prolapsed cutting off my son’s Oxygen supply. When my usually ultra calm, happy-go-lucky, super Southern OBGYN began yelling at me; I knew something was gravely wrong. In a flurry of nurses, needles, and chaos my son was born healthy.

I didn’t see my son until four hours after birth. I felt so detached when they let me catch a glimpse of him through the nursery window. I always thought I would have this cathartic, tear filled emotional experience when I first laid eyes on my baby, but all I wanted to do was go to my recovery room and rest.

My son’s birth was the worst day of my life, and I felt like I had failed as a parent. Everyone around me told me to focus on my son and forget the rest, but I couldn’t. I had failed at the most basic aspect of mothering, birth.  I quickly spiraled into depression and spent the next few months beating myself up over my failings. I did this until my last post-partum check-up when I met my OB’s new midwife. She took the time to care for my emotional self, and told me that cesarean birth does not make you any less of a woman. She recharged my spirit and empowered me to begin the healing process.

It took time for me to realize that being a mother is not about how closely you stick to your birth plan or how long you exclusively breastfeed. Being a good mother is about loving your child, sacrificing for your child, and doing the best you can for them. Many woman I’ve talked with feel as though they have failed after having a cesarean, supplementing with formula,  failing to cloth diaper, going back to work, buying jarred baby food, and a whole host of other things.

It’s okay, and perfectly normal, to grieve your birth experience. You can still be a “natural” parent, or an attachment parent, or any kind of parent you want to be regardless of your birth experience.  Parenting is all about adapting to changes and loving your children with all your heart.