Where is Mary Poppins When You Need Her?

If you've ever had to find full-time childcare for you child(ren) then you understand the insanity that accompanies this seemingly routine task. You see, searching for a full-time caregiver is not merely looking for a place or person who will teach your child the alphabet and send home cute art projects.They have to be safe, kind, loving, respectful, fun, intelligent, gentle, active, sensitive, and well perfect. These are the people/person that your child will spend more waking time with than they do with you. This is essentially their surrogate mommy, their you when you're gone. It's a monumental decision that has thrown me into a full blown panic.

I have toured and interviewed every state licensed facility (home and center) in my town. My favorite ones were full with substantial waiting lists, and the others were not places I would feel comfortable sending my Ham. Some were smelly. Some were unorganized. Some were overcrowded. And some I just plain didn't like. How can you not be picky with something as serious as this?

I had to scrap the whole daycare center idea altogether and being the long process of finding and interviewing nannies. Where's Mary Poppins when you need her? I went through www.care.com as well as through word of mouth recommendations. I ended up eliminating some via e-mail or phone because they were very obviously not what I was looking for. The rest I had to interview. With a background in HR, one would think that this would be a simple task but you'd be wrong. It was HELL. Seriously, Hell.

I decided to invite the ladies into my home to meet Ham and get a feel for who we are as a family (this was post background check). So, I lined up several interviews each an hour apart. The first nanny was crazy strict. She was into constant correction, lots of rules, and an avid spank-er. The next one was the complete opposite, a lassiz faire parent who pretty much let kids do whatever they wanted and watch tv all day. I had a few less remarkable duds and then I met my own personal Mary Poppins.

It was love at first sight. This woman came right in and sat down in front of Ham and introduced herself. No one else really even paid attention to him. They all came to talk to me about him even though he was in the room the whole time. She brought her daughter along, who I must say is a good match for Ham's bossiness, and they all played together while we chatted. I marveled at how she comforted both of our children seamlessly during arguments over toys. She seemed in her element redirecting conflicts, giving kisses, and playing pretend. Watching her just put me at ease.

Aside from my warm fuzzies, she has a great big house on several fenced acres for Ham to fun free. She is going to take him to swimming lessons (at no extra charge to me), toddler play groups, parks, area activities, and even teach him a preschool curriculum! Did I mention she is a teacher? I couldn't find anything about her that I didn't like. We have the same discipline philosophy, parenting style, personal style, types of toys, and so many other things. I really think that she is the next best thing to me for Ham. I am beyond excited to see her house tomorrow and meet her other children. Wish me luck!

School Days and Mommy Guilt

Ham started school on Tuesday. He and I had a difficult time adjusting to it. The morning drop off went smoothly but Ham soon realized that he was not going home anytime soon and then the water works started. His teacher, Miss Dee, told me he pretty much cried all day and refused to eat or nap which is so unlike him. When I came to pick him up he was pacing around the room crying and looking scared and lost. My heart sank. He cried all the way home and even nearly an hour afterward. I cried a lot that day. I considered pulling him out of school even though I knew it wasn't a possibility. Mommy guilt took over and I cried until my eyes swelled. It sucked to see him so sad, and I dreaded Thursday morning when we had to do it all again.

Thursday morning was tearful. Ham refused to walk into school and clung to me like a spider monkey when I dropped him off. Miss Dee had to pull him off me so I could leave for work. I gave it two hours and called to see how he was doing. To my surprise he was doing well. Apparently finger painting and parachute can really turn things around for the under two crowd. He ate his lunch, took his nap, and was happy to see me when I came to get him. He gave me a hug and things were normal again. I am so glad that this transition went relatively smoothly for Ham. I, however, am still working through my guilt over leaving him.

I always thought I would be a SAHM. Daycare was never an option for me because I thought only neglectful mothers leave their children with strangers all day. I was a daycare kid turned latch-key teen with few happy memories of being in various daycare centers and after school programs. I resented my mom for leaving me to work a dead end job. It took me years to realize that she was just doing the best she could. I resolved to be the opposite of my mother. Yet, I find myself in much the same place as she was when I was a toddler. I do have a career and the prospect of continuing my education, but I am leaving my child to work all the same. I have come to a new understanding with my mom. I just hope that Ham doesn't hate me for my choices. Here's to overcoming mommy guilt and doing the best we can for our kids. That is my mantra for now.

Of course there are pictures!!!!!

On our way to School, Ham doesn't know what is in store for him yet.

He's excited!

Ham's classroom