Where is Mary Poppins When You Need Her?

If you've ever had to find full-time childcare for you child(ren) then you understand the insanity that accompanies this seemingly routine task. You see, searching for a full-time caregiver is not merely looking for a place or person who will teach your child the alphabet and send home cute art projects.They have to be safe, kind, loving, respectful, fun, intelligent, gentle, active, sensitive, and well perfect. These are the people/person that your child will spend more waking time with than they do with you. This is essentially their surrogate mommy, their you when you're gone. It's a monumental decision that has thrown me into a full blown panic.

I have toured and interviewed every state licensed facility (home and center) in my town. My favorite ones were full with substantial waiting lists, and the others were not places I would feel comfortable sending my Ham. Some were smelly. Some were unorganized. Some were overcrowded. And some I just plain didn't like. How can you not be picky with something as serious as this?

I had to scrap the whole daycare center idea altogether and being the long process of finding and interviewing nannies. Where's Mary Poppins when you need her? I went through www.care.com as well as through word of mouth recommendations. I ended up eliminating some via e-mail or phone because they were very obviously not what I was looking for. The rest I had to interview. With a background in HR, one would think that this would be a simple task but you'd be wrong. It was HELL. Seriously, Hell.

I decided to invite the ladies into my home to meet Ham and get a feel for who we are as a family (this was post background check). So, I lined up several interviews each an hour apart. The first nanny was crazy strict. She was into constant correction, lots of rules, and an avid spank-er. The next one was the complete opposite, a lassiz faire parent who pretty much let kids do whatever they wanted and watch tv all day. I had a few less remarkable duds and then I met my own personal Mary Poppins.

It was love at first sight. This woman came right in and sat down in front of Ham and introduced herself. No one else really even paid attention to him. They all came to talk to me about him even though he was in the room the whole time. She brought her daughter along, who I must say is a good match for Ham's bossiness, and they all played together while we chatted. I marveled at how she comforted both of our children seamlessly during arguments over toys. She seemed in her element redirecting conflicts, giving kisses, and playing pretend. Watching her just put me at ease.

Aside from my warm fuzzies, she has a great big house on several fenced acres for Ham to fun free. She is going to take him to swimming lessons (at no extra charge to me), toddler play groups, parks, area activities, and even teach him a preschool curriculum! Did I mention she is a teacher? I couldn't find anything about her that I didn't like. We have the same discipline philosophy, parenting style, personal style, types of toys, and so many other things. I really think that she is the next best thing to me for Ham. I am beyond excited to see her house tomorrow and meet her other children. Wish me luck!

The Childcare Dilemma

I got the job!

 I will be a full-time working mama starting the twenty-fourth. I am beyond excited about what this means for me and my family. I cannot wait to get my ass out of debt and beginning enjoying family outings again. The idea of extra money seems like a fantasy at this point.

On the other hand, I now have exactly one week to find suitable childcare for Ham. Ham is considered "special needs" by most care providers since he has sensory processing disorder. When you say "My son has SPD and he often needs extra attention" they hear "My son will ruin all order and happiness in your place of work. He will trash your classroom and start an avalanche of tantrums and screaming." At least that is my theory since people automatically change tone and demeanor after they hear about Ham.

I guess I'm glad that they are so taken aback because it shows me that they are not fit to care for him. However, I can't seem to find anyone who is that is reasonably priced and close enough to my home and work. I found this amazing Montessori school run by the calmest preschool teacher ever. I feel in love with it quickly and deeply. I knew Ham would thrive there. I could see the changes in him already, but it's so far away from our home and work that it's unfortunately not an option. The much closer Montessori school is just outrageously priced, I would be spending almost my entire paycheck on childcare.

So, now I am scrambling to find a place for him to go even if it's temporary. All the big centers are full, and I've scared away several nannies and home day cares with Ham's special needs. I have very few options left now that would work for us. I am beyond stressed about this, but all I can do is pray and keep looking. Any suggestions would be gladly accepted. 

Home

As a child I spent most of my time away from my house. I spent my days in daycare, at a sitter's, in school, in after school programs, in before school programs, at friend's houses, and with family members. Home was where I slept not where I lived. Home was not always a welcoming place to me. Most of the time I did not want to be home because there was so much negativity. I longed for a happy home to call my own and I finally have that.

Our home is peaceful, safe, and full of love. I love coming home from work. I open the door and Ham runs to me with his arms out yelling "mamamama!" Hugs and kisses are exchanged by all. My husband is happy to see him and I am happy to see him. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's our real life. After the hello hugs and whatnot Ham usually starts screaming for something and dinner needs to be made. Yet Regardless of our struggles and conflicts there is still so much love and acceptance.

Lately Ham has really been trying our patience. His acting out has increased ten fold as well as some new behavioral issues, like forcing himself to vomit to get attention. Dealing with two year old is difficult in general but dealing with two year old who has sensory issues and a speech delay is almost impossible some days. Despite all of this, I made the decision to pull Ham out of daycare. His last day is June 21st. I know this is going to be difficult, but I know that it is the best thing for him. I want him to be home where we both belong.

Second Thoughts

I am having second thoughts about daycare/preschool. Ham is two weeks in and still not even remotely adjusted. He hates it. He cries off and on all day, refuses to eat and sleep, and generally stays gloomy. He cries when I leave him and is still crying when I pick him up. He holds on to me for dear life when I come get him. It breaks my heart over and over again, and I am not sure how much more I can take of it. I don't want to get ahead at the expense of my child. There is a two week notice required to leave daycare, so I need to make my decision soon.

Another reason we are considering nixing the daycare is to save some money. Hubby and I are committed to working out our finances meaning paying off all debts and beefing up our savings. We want to buy a house in the next five years as well as pay off my student loans and my car. Daycare costs us around $300 a month which is a pretty huge savings. I picked up a few more hours on non daycare days which will also add some cash flow. We've committed to stop eating out (which is already killing me) and scale down Ham's second birthday bash (which is also killing me). It sucks, but I know that it is best for our family.

Thirdly, I miss the hell out of Ham when he's gone. I miss play dates, days at the beach, thrifting trips, picnics, lazy mornings, shared naps, snuggles, and even Elmo. Ham misses it too, I can tell. This change is especially difficult for him due to his sensory and speech difficulties.

I've got less than 24 hours to decide. I will update you all tomorrow.

School Days and Mommy Guilt

Ham started school on Tuesday. He and I had a difficult time adjusting to it. The morning drop off went smoothly but Ham soon realized that he was not going home anytime soon and then the water works started. His teacher, Miss Dee, told me he pretty much cried all day and refused to eat or nap which is so unlike him. When I came to pick him up he was pacing around the room crying and looking scared and lost. My heart sank. He cried all the way home and even nearly an hour afterward. I cried a lot that day. I considered pulling him out of school even though I knew it wasn't a possibility. Mommy guilt took over and I cried until my eyes swelled. It sucked to see him so sad, and I dreaded Thursday morning when we had to do it all again.

Thursday morning was tearful. Ham refused to walk into school and clung to me like a spider monkey when I dropped him off. Miss Dee had to pull him off me so I could leave for work. I gave it two hours and called to see how he was doing. To my surprise he was doing well. Apparently finger painting and parachute can really turn things around for the under two crowd. He ate his lunch, took his nap, and was happy to see me when I came to get him. He gave me a hug and things were normal again. I am so glad that this transition went relatively smoothly for Ham. I, however, am still working through my guilt over leaving him.

I always thought I would be a SAHM. Daycare was never an option for me because I thought only neglectful mothers leave their children with strangers all day. I was a daycare kid turned latch-key teen with few happy memories of being in various daycare centers and after school programs. I resented my mom for leaving me to work a dead end job. It took me years to realize that she was just doing the best she could. I resolved to be the opposite of my mother. Yet, I find myself in much the same place as she was when I was a toddler. I do have a career and the prospect of continuing my education, but I am leaving my child to work all the same. I have come to a new understanding with my mom. I just hope that Ham doesn't hate me for my choices. Here's to overcoming mommy guilt and doing the best we can for our kids. That is my mantra for now.

Of course there are pictures!!!!!

On our way to School, Ham doesn't know what is in store for him yet.

He's excited!

Ham's classroom