Work

I have been a full-time SAHM for a few weeks now, and I can honestly say that these have been the worst weeks in recent memory. It's sad but true. I hate being home full-time. Ham is not an easy child by any means, and he has found creative ways to make my life more difficult now that I am ever present. We have been put on the waiting list for a behavioral therapist, but they said it will be at least three months. Which means three more months of getting hit in the face, punched in the stomach, kicked, screamed at, charged at, and just plain beat up. I am tired of being his punching bag, and it's no longer just me. He is beginning to get violent with other children. To say that I'm worried is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am at a loss of what to do about Ham's behavior. He is just plain terrible most of the time, and it's sunk me into a depression. We have put our plans for a second child on hold as we deal with this situation. After a lot of soul searching and prayer, I've decided to apply for full-time jobs because I need to get away (we're also flat broke but that's another issue entirely).

I had my first interview with a clinic on Tuesday, and it went fantastically. I have a second interview and a two hour observation scheduled for Friday morning. I am beyond excited. This could mean much needed adult time, desperately needed income, insurance, savings, the ability to pay off our credit cards, and so much more. I don't think I have ever been this happy about going to work!

There is only one problem, what to do with Ham while I am working. I have spent a considerable amount of time searching for a special needs/behavioral issue friendly daycare provider. I have come up with a few options that I need to look into more thoroughly. It seems like very few daycare providers and teachers understand how to work with kids like Ham. I sincerely hope that I can find a good fit for both of us so we can both thrive. 

Roseola

Ham has been acting and feeling weird lately. He had a bad cold that seemed to last forever, followed by three days of random high fevers with no other symptoms, then followed by the appearance of a rash. I decided to wait it out rather than take him to the doctor because he cannot tolerate very many medications, and I didn't want to put either of us through that kind of stress.

I decided to turn to good ole "Doctor Google" to get some answers. A quick look at Dr. Sears's website followed by some webmd gave me the answer. Ham had a textbook case of Roseola. Apparently it is a very common childhood illness that I had never heard of. He is almost back to normal now.  I am proud of myself for not overreacting. Sadly, I did not capture a photo of his awesome rash before it went away.

Home

As a child I spent most of my time away from my house. I spent my days in daycare, at a sitter's, in school, in after school programs, in before school programs, at friend's houses, and with family members. Home was where I slept not where I lived. Home was not always a welcoming place to me. Most of the time I did not want to be home because there was so much negativity. I longed for a happy home to call my own and I finally have that.

Our home is peaceful, safe, and full of love. I love coming home from work. I open the door and Ham runs to me with his arms out yelling "mamamama!" Hugs and kisses are exchanged by all. My husband is happy to see him and I am happy to see him. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's our real life. After the hello hugs and whatnot Ham usually starts screaming for something and dinner needs to be made. Yet Regardless of our struggles and conflicts there is still so much love and acceptance.

Lately Ham has really been trying our patience. His acting out has increased ten fold as well as some new behavioral issues, like forcing himself to vomit to get attention. Dealing with two year old is difficult in general but dealing with two year old who has sensory issues and a speech delay is almost impossible some days. Despite all of this, I made the decision to pull Ham out of daycare. His last day is June 21st. I know this is going to be difficult, but I know that it is the best thing for him. I want him to be home where we both belong.