Unemployed

The title pretty much sums it up. I am without a job and considering staying that way for the long hall. I mentioned my general job related stress in my last post and it seems that I may have foreshadowed my own crappy ending. My boss and I parted ways over his inability to treat me like a decent person. I will not miss the job, but I will miss the paycheck. As of now, I am looking for a very part time job. I have applied everywhere that I know I will feel content and now I am waiting.

I was pretty torn up about this whole thing until today (my very last day of work). I have come to terms with what happened and can now move on. After a serious talk with the hubs, I now know we can survive on one income if need be. I have had homeschooling in my heart for sometime as well as another baby, so maybe this is God's way of nudging me in that direction.

I am trying to look at this as an opportunity for growth in my faith and self control as I will need both of them to get through our new (and possibly lengthy) lack of funds. We will no longer have money for eating out, shopping, entertainment, "fun money," gifts, big purchases, and the like. In short, we're broke! We will have money for the necessities; bills, food, gas, and internet (we are both going to school in part online so this is required).

This is something with which I know I will struggle. I can be quite frugal but have always lacked the self control needed for this kind of budgeting. Honestly, I am not sure I can do it and that scares me. Thankfully, hubs is on board to help me get through it. I have no credit cards and only carry a debit for necessities.

I am not going into this smiling, but I want to learn to live without frivolous distractions. I want to be able to give Ham (and all his future siblings) my full time and attention, so I am going to have to start sacrificing now. I will need all the prayers and help I can get!

What all this means for you is my LOL (Living on Less) series will make a triumphant return, I will be doing a series on traditional peasant recipes, and there will be lots of budget-minded entries. And of course, lots of Ham!

-Beth

Frustration

I have been so frustrated lately. My boss is not the easiest person to get along with, and lately he has been pretty darn miserable. I just want to be able to go to work and peacefully do my job. Why does there always have to be so much conflict? It's like living at home again. I wish I had other options, but right now I don't. We need the money from my job for car payments and bills.

I am frustrated with my body as well. There is new hope that we may be able to have another child, which is awesome don't get me wrong, but there is so much to think about. I have a 50/50 chance of pretty much being bed bound during the entire pregnancy. I am scared to risk it because I don't want to take anything away from Ham, but one the other hand I know that I will wonder "what if" for the rest of my life. I am a huge believer in just doing it rather than regretting not doing it later, but I don't know if that is the right way to look at a situation like this.

Thirdly, I am frustrated that I have no babysitters anymore. Ham and daycare don't mix, and I have accepted that. However, I still have to work and occasionally get things done sans bebe. My MIL has been gracious enough to pick up all the slack after my mom had surgery, but I can tell she is growing tired of it. My mom is having complications and may need a few more surgeries putting her out of the babysitting pool for the next half a year at least. All of my friends have toddlers of their own and don't want to take on another (which I totally get), so I am stuck. Ham isn't the easiest child to watch either. I am at a loss and hoping I won't lose my job if I have to cut back on my hours (again). Ugh.

Aside from all the frustration and general crappiness, I do have some happy news. I am now singing with my church's worship band. I am one of three singers, and I love it. We do mostly Christian pop songs. I am in heaven. I didn't realize how much I missed singing until now. God is good. :)