Ham is now just about fourteen months old, walking, running, hopping, cutting his second pair of molars, playing with the big kids at the park, developing a helluva personality, and continuing to be completely adorable. He is so much more than I ever thought he would/could be. It makes me so unbelievably happy and sad all at the same time. I am proud to be his mom, but sad to see him grow so quickly. We are officially 32lbs and 33 inches!
Here is my first, hopefully the first of many, letter to my Ham. I want to give these to him at a later date in hopes that he can appreciate what its like to be a parent someday.
Dear Little Ham,
I can't believe that it's been over a year since we first met. This has been the absolute best and most difficult year of my life. You have changed me in ways I never imagined you would. I know it sounds cheesy, but you changed me. You taught me how to ask for help, how to be patient, how to share, how to get messy, how to cry, how to laugh, how to let things go, how to sleep when I'm tired, how to pray, how to appreciate the small things, how to be calm, and how to love. I thought I knew how to do all of those things before I had you, before I even thought about getting pregnant but I was wrong. Having you made me become and adult and a better person.
The trauma of your birth was the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with. For a time, it changed me for the worse. It's not easy for me to tell you this, but I feel like you need to know. I suffered from postpartum depression, and I was afraid to get help. I didn't want people to think I didn't love you so I waited to ask for help. This was a mistake that I am still grappling with. I got help. I got better. Things got better. I learned how to be the best mother and person I could be. This is a mistake that I won't make again. I feel like you've already forgive me for it, the look in your eyes changed when I got better. I love you so much.
You have turned into such an amazing little person. In just one year you've gone from a crying potato to a mobile toddler! It has been such an amazing experience watching you learn. I can see the wheels in your head turning as you try to figure things out and how proud you are when you finally do! Most recently you've mastered running, climbing, and clapping. My daily accomplishments pale in comparison to yours. I can't wait to wake up every morning and see what you'll do next. Waking up to your smiling, often jumping, face makes every sleepless night, every headache, and every day of morning sickness worth it. I wish you knew just how much I love your smile. It really is the best thing ever.
My son, you are the most amazing thing in the world. You are going to grow up to be someone great, I just know it. You are bold, curious, silly, smart, stubborn, driven, daring, darling, loving, independent, and most of all perfect in every way! I hope you realize just how special you when you read this. I love you now and forever my beautiful baby boy.
Love Always,
Your Mom
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