Monday, April 4, 2011

I used to be smart, now it's up for debate

I am still in college at twenty-four. This may not seem too odd to many of you as many moms are in college at my age, but I should be done by now. I am one of those super confused folks who like to change their major as often as their underpants. I cycled through nursing, social work, psychology, elementary education, secondary education, communication, history, political science, medical assisting (which I finished), back to nursing, on to early childhood education, back to nursing, human services, back to nursing, back to psychology, liberal arts, human resources, and finally to business with a concentration in health care administration. I am just a hair short of the number of credits needed for my bachelor's degree, but yet I still have 17+ classes to take to get an actual degree. Apparently they don't have a mix and match option.

Despite my flip-flopping nature, I am an excellent student. With all of my majors and coursework, I have a 3.75 gpa! Not bad if I do say so myself. However, I seem to be losing the battle now that I have a baby, a husband, two jobs, and a household to run. I am barely hanging on in financial accounting, which is the worst thing ever, and microeconomics. Never in my life have I prayed for a 70%. As a textbook overachiever and perfectionist, this kills me. I have three weeks left, and I just want it to end. I feel like I am drowning in something that I can't decipher. Accounting and economics might as well be written in Swahili because I would get just about as much out of it.

I used to be smart. I used to be a good student who knew all her professors and even ate lunch with them. I used to be the girl who answered everyone's questions and took charge, now I am average (or below) just like everyone else. I feel like I lost a part of my identity. Who am I if I'm not the smart girl?

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