Changes are taking place here in the Ham homestead. After much thought, desperation, crying, and inner turmoil I have decided to go back to working just about full-time (up from my measly 12 hours a week). There were so many things that made me change my mind about staying home full time the largest of which are Ham's special needs. I haven't talked about them much at all on this blog because I still have trouble accepting them.
Ham was diagnosed at eighteen months with a significant speech delay. At twenty months old he can say "mama," "no," "uhoh," "nigh nigh," "uhhh" for up, "daaaaaa" for down, "wah-wah" for waffle, and "mahmahmah" for more. He is definitely still quite far behind, but he has therapy every week and we are working with him one on one as well. Up until the last few weeks, he only really said "no" and "uhoh," so we are making progress.
Ham's other special need is his Sensory Modulation Disorder combined with Sensory Seeking behavior. This is hard to explain. Ham needs to experience more sensory stimuli more often and more intensely than other kids. On top of that, he has trouble doing so. This disorder is so much more challenging than the speech delay. His disorder causes him to do things like extreme tantruming, head banging, screaming, aggression, very short attention span, hyperactivity, mood instability, and general difficulty with everyday life for both of us. I LOVE Ham with all my heart. I really do, but even with the therapy I can barely handle him some days. We have good days, perfect days but we also have horrible days when I just sit and cry and pray for help.
I have finally realized that I am not cut out for caring for a special needs child 24/7. I am not. I wanted to be so badly, I really did. I read all the books, I went to counseling, I am on medication, I joined a local SAHM group, I frequent message boards, and I feel like I am drowning in mamahood. I did everything I could and more, but I still can't handle it. I am finally ready to accept that fact and move on. My job has graciously offered me more hours, and I have accepted them.
Now I am dealing with the mess of getting Ham into daycare. The center that I fell in love with has a year long waiting list which sucks. I am now trying to decide between my other choices. I toured one large center today and was not as impressed as I was with my first choice, but I did like it. I am touring two home day care centers later this week. I need to make my choice by Monday.
It is a lot happening all at once. I just hope that I am making the right decision and that everything will work out for the best.
Ham was diagnosed at eighteen months with a significant speech delay. At twenty months old he can say "mama," "no," "uhoh," "nigh nigh," "uhhh" for up, "daaaaaa" for down, "wah-wah" for waffle, and "mahmahmah" for more. He is definitely still quite far behind, but he has therapy every week and we are working with him one on one as well. Up until the last few weeks, he only really said "no" and "uhoh," so we are making progress.
Ham's other special need is his Sensory Modulation Disorder combined with Sensory Seeking behavior. This is hard to explain. Ham needs to experience more sensory stimuli more often and more intensely than other kids. On top of that, he has trouble doing so. This disorder is so much more challenging than the speech delay. His disorder causes him to do things like extreme tantruming, head banging, screaming, aggression, very short attention span, hyperactivity, mood instability, and general difficulty with everyday life for both of us. I LOVE Ham with all my heart. I really do, but even with the therapy I can barely handle him some days. We have good days, perfect days but we also have horrible days when I just sit and cry and pray for help.
I have finally realized that I am not cut out for caring for a special needs child 24/7. I am not. I wanted to be so badly, I really did. I read all the books, I went to counseling, I am on medication, I joined a local SAHM group, I frequent message boards, and I feel like I am drowning in mamahood. I did everything I could and more, but I still can't handle it. I am finally ready to accept that fact and move on. My job has graciously offered me more hours, and I have accepted them.
Now I am dealing with the mess of getting Ham into daycare. The center that I fell in love with has a year long waiting list which sucks. I am now trying to decide between my other choices. I toured one large center today and was not as impressed as I was with my first choice, but I did like it. I am touring two home day care centers later this week. I need to make my choice by Monday.
It is a lot happening all at once. I just hope that I am making the right decision and that everything will work out for the best.
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