The Diagnosis

What we learned on Tuesday was not at all surprising yet it still jarred me. That last little hope I had that Ham was just going through a rough time and not in fact Autistic is now gone. I am officially the mother of an Autistic child who also has ADHD and a mood disorder.  

In a way it feels freeing to know that there is a reason for Ham's behaviors, that it is not my fault. My child has a disability, he is not "normal" and never will be. All of my expectations will have to be put aside until we can get a handle on how this diagnosis will affect our lives. 

There are so many options available to us now yet I feel that so much of it is out of our reach. The cost of therapy is just outrageous. It's sickening how much they charge for something that is so necessary. We are dealing with upwards of eighty dollars an hour until our insurance deductible is met. I have no idea how we are going to fit this into our budget. 

I want to do everything we can to help Ham get to where he needs to be. I have no idea how we are going to manage this. Apparently we make too much for assistance but not enough to afford much of anything without it. It really just sucks.